a synapse misfire

I Make Jokes to Cover the Truth

2009-12-08T23:04:00.003-05:00

After denying it.
After avoiding it.
I've admitted and accepted that I want what I can't have: cheese.

It's The Simple Things

2009-10-11T16:22:00.003-04:00

I missed it.

2009-10-05T22:17:00.008-04:00

But, it's now been 2 years since I moved. My how time flies.

And now, time for a Dog Hates Me comic:
REMEMBER SON, YOU MUST NEVER GIVE UP

What I Did At Work Today: Part II

2009-02-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

This is stupid cute

2009-01-30T16:48:00.001-05:00

What I Did At Work Today

2008-12-10T16:56:00.001-05:00

I'm not a moron

2008-11-15T22:11:00.006-05:00

I had to travel 30 minutes to vote in Williamsburg instead of where I live, in Clinton Hill, for filling out my own address incorrectly. Apparently having had a mental relapse when filling out the registration form I seemed to have put down Grand Street instead of Grand Avenue-- thereby placing my residence in a parking lot in Williamsburg. Hey, hobos can vote too.

Although I had already conceded to this bit of idiocy I figured I'd check the voter registration PDF I mailed in. You know, for shits and giggles. Turns out, I am not an idiot. (I know, it was news to us all)

It was right all along:

And, I am not a moron.

Almost...

2008-09-23T23:07:00.002-04:00

September 28th will have been one year since I moved.

And, I still miss my camera case I lost:

Today's Lesson: don't get shot.

2008-08-21T20:22:00.004-04:00

I was about to walk up my stoop when about 200 ft. away someone was shot. I heard gunshots and then, decided I would quickly make my way indoors.

Because, I can only assume being shot is not fun.

here's an artist's rendering of my reaction:

Because I have nothing better to post...

2008-08-15T19:52:00.005-04:00

Hi, I'm an idiot.

And, I'm ok with it.

Happy 4th... or, the 9th... whatever.

2008-07-09T20:59:00.004-04:00

At least Uncle Bubba rememebered correctly.

Dammit, Illiteracy Wins Again!

2008-05-13T00:50:00.004-04:00

Today sucks. You suck. The weather sucks. Let's call the whole thing off?

I think I need to go to the doctor... and I also need health insurance. Today sucks.

Avert Your Eyes

2008-05-09T15:06:00.004-04:00

I need to deactivate my facebook account. There are plenty other things I should be doing other than looking through pictures.

I'd deactivate it-- but then how else will I waste time and be unnecessarily creepy?

Top News

2008-04-29T23:46:00.003-04:00

CNN covers very important and groundbreaking bits of news, like a sleepy bear cub that can't stay awake.

Tasty Delusions

2008-03-31T15:43:00.005-04:00

Other than the blatant obvious repercussions of being intolerant of the lactose fame, are the pangs of envy and cravings from not having always been so and wanting to consume, engorge, bathe in the many delicious dishes and creations that involve tremendous amounts of cheese, cream and any other dairy variations. And so, begins the disheartening tour of dairy-free alternatives and replacements to satiate oneself. Which, usually taste as gross as they look and at some point after trying watery sauces, plastic cheese and dry tasteless desserts you have to accept and acknowledge things will never be the same.

Dairy is its own unique entity. Its composition cannot be simply recreated, even with multiple ingredients to mimic each of its many attributes: sweet, smooth and creamy, deliciously hearty viscosity, savory, and even its refreshing simplicity-- it always pales in comparison.

There is always the ambitious route of creating your own dairy-free versions. Upon searching for recipes to recreate the magic of dairy you find a plethora of recipes that tout the similarities to its original dairy version. As expected, the reviews of it creates a sense of excitement with the details of how you'll never notice the difference and how they made it one night for their non-lactose intolerant friends and they had no idea it was made without dairy. It gives you hope, even though deep inside you know they're probably lying and their delusions have left them with no taste buds. You search and search to find a recipe that you could possibly see as being good, as something tasty-- no matter if it was supposed to be dairy-free or not.

My most recent ambition included making an alfredo sauce that would be creamy in the slightest. I found a recipe (touting all the same claims) and proceeded to go out and get the silken tofu, unflavored soy milk and crossed my fingers I would be able to down it all no matter how it turned out. For, in addition to this all being an inconvenience and a lot more effort, it also is a lot more expensive. So, you hope it's worth the $10 you just spent to replace the 1 cup of milk you'd need in the normal recipe.

I wash, rinse, cut, chop and all things go according to plan... the spices smell right, it looks right, it has the color, it has the consistency-- that's when I started to have this crazy idea. Maybe those reviews were right and think 'hey, maybe I really can fool some people into eating this.' I fell for the claims that this is a great fix and that those other non lactose intolerant people really did have no idea and they actually loved it!

My sister was around when I was done and was curious, she's of course much more skeptical of any ingredient being taken out or replaced for health reasons. She'll go for full fat versions of things to retain the integrity of taste-- essentially, she is hard to convince that anything made from a bean paste will be as good as a cheese sauce. In my head I am secretly thinking, maybe this will be it. Something that she may actually believe to be good. She would be one of the first of those lactose tolerant friends that I would try this recipe out on.

I almost can't wait for that first taste of it all together and finished. So, I sit down, because this is a real meal I've created from scratch and proceed to take the first bite to savor it: all the hard work, time, money spent to make this moment.... this absolutely... most definitely... and by far utter failure of a moment.

Hopes, dreams: crushed.

My sister sat next to me and asked, "So... how is it?"

I, naturally, never shared the previous delusions that this could've turned out so excellently and responded nonchalantly with a hint of bitterness, "not alfredo-like."

I came back to my senses and realized how foolish it was to ever really fall for such falsities and that it was my own fault for expecting the recipe I found online on someone's blog to be good at all. For the most part, it wasn't bad. It just clearly wasn't alfredo. It usually never is bad, but it always is still so clearly not the same.

So, in the end I was left with a huge pot of this lactose-free fakeness, and since I was hungry and spent all that time making it, I ate it. Begrudgingly, of course. I hatefully stabbed each piece of pasta covered in that foolish imitation wondering how stupid those guests had to have been. Then, I thought that maybe it wasn't the guests, it was the host whose lactose tolerant friends may indeed have had no idea it was dairy free. With that oblivion to the dish's ingredients the host may have taken it to be a compliment and found themselves caught up in their own odd fantasy of how excellent their culinary skills were and wrote their post accordingly. And of course, back in reality the guests indeed may not have truly known what it was in the sauce but assumed this person was just a really bad cook. 'Ohhh, that explains the grainy consistency-- I was afraid the milk had gone bad.'

I wasn't that upset about it, but I definitely wouldn't make it again, I 'll probably just opt for the real thing-- in small amounts, undoubtedly. I do have to say, that silken tofu adventure wasn't a complete loss-- it does make a nice smoothie. Even your non lactose-intolerant friends will LOVE IT!

These Magic Beans Are Useless

2008-03-11T14:55:00.004-04:00

We have a mouse in our apartment.

While watching bad tv, me and my sister contemplated how this mouse got in and where it goes when it's not making its foul appearance running across the room. That conversation didn't go very far. There was bad tv to entertain us.

We watch bad tv because we can't change the channel without having to get up, and have no idea where the remote could've disappeared to. And, after going back and forth a couple times trying to convince each other it was one another's turn to change the channel we, of course, then concluded that the mouse ate it and it was his turn.

So I drew a picture to represent this kleptomaniac mouse. I also lost a jean skirt my freshmen year of college, I assume this mouse ate it too so that is depicted in the illustration as well.

Is No News really Good News?

2008-03-10T19:14:00.004-04:00

I am the easiest sell in the world. At a going away party on the eve of a friend moving for a job in Boston, he asked if I wanted to go with him for the weekend since I don't really have any immediate obligations. I thought about it for roughly 2 seconds and I was sold.

The next morning, in a rented car me and two guys went to Boston. The trip included mostly just drinking and sitting in a car contemplating the likelihood of a stabbing of any given place-- that place looks stabby, that one looks nice, that one looks shooty.

But thats all I needed.

SO glad I didn't decide to move there though. I like New York.

On another note, it's time for me to go buy some clothes to further put off doing laundry.

'HAPPY V DAY!'

2008-02-14T12:53:00.004-05:00

In the past few months I've received a text message from some unknown number wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and New year, respectively.

On New Years' when all this well wishing became too much to not inquire, I replied. After a series of texts, I find out that it's a man who refers to himself as Uncle Bubba, and thinks I am his niece. I inform him there is no way and that he has the wrong number.

Glad we could clear this up...

I wake up today to a another text from Uncle Bubba: "HAPPY V DAY!"

I give up. I suppose being wished a happy holiday isn't so bad, even if no one in my family cares... I know that atleast Uncle Bubba will always be wishing me a happy one. All of them.

Happy Valentine's Day, Uncle Bubba.

(even though i think it's a stupid holiday)

Let's Sumo!

2008-02-13T18:17:00.001-05:00

10 Songs: Part I

2008-01-25T20:38:00.001-05:00

I was going to put up the top 10 songs of the moment, but I found these songs in my itunes and decided to go a different way: backwards... to high school.

Here they are in no particular order, and no good reason:

Blink 182- Dammit
I was obsessed with this song for many, many years. It reminds me of a birthday gift mix tape I got from Kim. This tape also included Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On', which by the third viewing of Titanic in theaters the part where Jack died seemed to be comical rather than tragic. Perhaps it was the fact that I realized that I just watched the longest movie ever, willingly, and multiple times and that was more tragic than the movie. [edit: this actually was middle school, but the song carried over into high school, college, now and forever?]

Rooney - Floor
This may actually be freshmen year of college... I sometimes run it together with high school. Its all the same, but I remember me, Kim, and (I think) Harmony having dinner with half the band before one of their shows. Actually, many of these songs have a Kim relation and/or sourcing. That was also when the tips of my hair was a magnificently bright magenta.

Sir Mix A Lot - Baby Got Back
I still know all the words to this song, and sang it in a cab in Rome once when the cab driver wouldn't let us turn on the radio. This song reminds me of when Stacey, Jen and I would be riding in the 'Happy Honda' on our way to the football games. I had no school spirit, we painted cougar paws on people's faces for 50 cents a cheek... and a triple x throw down. (Yes, thats a lie.)

The Strokes - Last Nite
In the beginnings of the 'The' band explosion, I fell in love with Nick Valensi and then turns out I liked the music too. A lot. Oh, fond memories of having Kim buy me tickets to the show, then being sick and not able to go... and then finding out she went and met some of the band. I was saddened. Good times. Good times.

Dynamite Hack - Boyz In Da Hood
This was one of those many Numbers club shows where we went and then followed it up with a classic stop at Denny's because that was the only thing open late at night and we didn't really want to go home after shows. Later our late night stop would be House Of Pies... because it was a house of pies and of course, we tried them all. I could go for some Bayou Goo right now.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - The Impression That I get
My very first concert played at the now closed and destroyed Astroworld. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship... Kim would want to see a band and I would say 'yes'. Simple as such. I'm also pretty sure I had no idea what they sang before I'd seen them play. I was so young, so naive.[edit: reason #234983 i'm old and my memory is going, the first band was Big Bad Voodoo Daddy-- NOT Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Still saw both, but I'm leaving it up. Reason #1: I am lazy.]

Sublime - What I Got
Another precious moment waiting in line at Astroworld waiting to ride the Cyclone (or another ride of some such), I can't remember if I started or someone else did... but these lyrics were spoken about in quite the bonding of strangers. Even if momentarily.

The Moldy Peaches - Jorge Regula
Ok, I admit I didn't already have this from highschool(or yet again, possibly early college) ... but in light of Juno I remembered it and now it reminds me of all the random things Kim would make me listen to and how I ended up really liking it. Although, this one took a little longer to like, but I remember this song made me laugh.

The Hippos - Wasting My Life
Warped Tour... 2000? This is when I got a free t-shirt and we met these guys and one of them asked if I had some gum, but misheard him thinking he'd just asked if I had a sandwich. If only I did. The following Warped Tour was the day before senior picture day and I was in a mosh pit so worried I was going to have a black eye in the yearbook. Although, looking back on it-- it would've been great if i did have a black eye in the yearbook.

Ludacris - Fantasy
More 'Happy Honda' moments with Stacey, Jen and sometimes Bridget. Back seat, windows up; thats the way you like to... oh, yes this is another gem that I know most of the words to still. I knew them better back then and would write the lyrics on my notes in the margin. I still have pre-cal notes with 'I wanna lick you from your head to your toes' written on it. I really loved math.

AND that concludes our trip to the golden years of 1998 to 2002.

I Used To Be Your Biggest Fan

2008-01-24T14:45:00.000-05:00

I've learned that I may be a hopeless romantic... minus the romance. Hopeless. I am a hopeless.

I've also recently learned to knit.

And snowboard.

So...that's all I've learned, and now you've learned what I know. Quite a prosperous day, yes?

Moderate Glee New Year!

2008-01-09T01:33:00.000-05:00

2007 rocked.... minus some intense life changes.

AND, since I forgot to mention it last January... 2006 rocked, as well.

let's see... 2008: unemployment and a bleak winter. yay?

Fuck. It's Winter.

2007-12-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

Christmas is coming...

2007-11-25T22:54:00.003-05:00

Seeing Macy's store front decorated with a large Christmas tree made out of lights after ice skating all afternoon is like getting sideswiped with the reality that it's almost the end of the year.

A year ago I was ice skating in Rome... now, me and the sister have a new place in Brooklyn. There's 3 bedrooms: the first door on the right and the two doors in the far back.

We were going for 'empty'.

Love

2007-11-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

I got an email from my cousin updating the rest of us who didn't make it to India for the 5 millionth marriage this year-- which is not blog worthy. (as if I had standards for it)

In any case, here it is. The part that made it so was about my 93yr old grandfather, where she writes that "[he] continues to be full of energy and totally cute. He calls Facebook 'Photo Friends' -- As in, 'You are checking Photo Friends?' I said, yes but it's called Facebook and he said, 'I call it Photo Friends!'"

Love that conviction. He's just awesome... no way else to describe it.

Party Party

2007-11-20T00:05:00.001-05:00

My job consists of watching this-- and writing things, too.

awesome.

I win!

2007-11-07T23:25:00.001-05:00

As much fun as you think where you work is, I have to ask: Did you get a free limited edition toy today (one that people would actually want and isn't available to the public yet)?

I did.

There would be pictures, but I believe that would fall under violating some part of that confidentiality agreement I signed.

I still win.

Injuries Are Funny

2007-11-05T23:55:00.000-05:00

This is the smirk I mentioned in the previous post.
From Afar.

And up close.

Tricky Treats

2007-10-29T22:48:00.000-04:00

I know you are on the edge of your seat wondering what has happened in my time since my ever wonderful lesson in hitting on boys. I haven't utilized that catchy line yet, but on Saturday night I did agree to briefly date a nameless guy dressed as a man child for Halloween. I clearly make excellent choices when I am not sober. As for my get-up, I went as nobody in particular with an auburn wig (because thats what I had. I'm lazy. Whats new?)

After the Halloween fun I woke up on Sunday, looking as if I'd gotten into a fight with the concrete. I clearly lost. I trip and fall like I never learned how to stand up straight ever in life. I have various cuts on my hands and elbows in addition to the numerous bruises in places I'm not quite sure how I got. There is also a vague memory of me nearly falling off the roof, which would not have been as comical as I remember it being.

There are three particular cuts that I think is funny because its like a little reminder of how retarded I am. Its two nicks and gash conveniently arranged to look like a smirking smiley face. As if to say, you're ridiculous.

On a more decent, respectable level-- I have become semi-employed. I work as a freelance copywriter at Kidrobot. I get paid, that's what is important.

Also, I met the people who make Uncooked cards. Oddly enough, they're not crazy. Good cards. Get one and send it to someone you know or don't know.

So, Thats How Its Done

2007-10-20T16:55:00.000-04:00

Two nights ago, after attending my cousins' dance performance me, my sister, and her boyfriend went out for a drink, because we're alcoholics and he's polish. We had a few, stole a few, got caught stealing a few, and then left that bar to go eat.

After a blintz and some perogies my sister's polish fellow somehow got to the topic of finding a boyfriend for me. To which I explain how completely inept I am at the whole concept of active pursuit and the topic seemingly dissipated until the following evening while waiting on the corner the same three of us were discussing what we should do for the evening. Thoughts of a comedy club, drinking, eating, drinking AND eating were tossed around-- and in the lull of discussion a tall, hip-hop hipster-ish fellow with an afro as large as a sewer cover walks over and asks for a light. Which I follow with a simple, 'no' and he walks away.

But, as he walks away I get a knock on my shoulder and wise words from the boyfriend saying, "That was your in! You should've said 'yes, want to come upstairs with me?' !"

He seems like a winner to me.

A Story About A Door

2007-10-16T14:55:00.001-04:00

Imagine a large fun house room with doors galore. They're everywhere, the place is enrobed in mystery, for I never know quite sure what is going on or what will happen next. Its an Alice in Wonderland sort of place (sadly, minus the drug induced entrance to Wonderland), theres small doors, big doors, old doors, new doors, doors with a cover and others that look like they've been condemned. An almost endless amount, and it all started with that fated first door that got me in there in the first place.

Before entering, I was in complacency. A room that goes nowhere, and does nothing. Its fine and dandy until you see that you've been left behind. Then, appears that first door. That fated first door. It seems so nice and a pleasant change from the room I previously occupied. It was a very straight forward door, and it looked like it led to another room of progress. It was different and I was going somewhere.

Of course, I get all gussied up and make my cheery self through this door only to find that nothing I saw was as expected. The place I had assumed I would be in was an illusion, I had mistakenly missed the gap. It wasn't one door I was to go through, it was two. In complacency, I had been standing directly in front of both rooms creating a foreshortening of the space between the two doors. In essence, whatever the zeal or tunnel vision I had made that room I envisioned seem closer. I had missed it. The second door, which is now shut and then cemented over and wallpapered and there now hangs a small picture of a sail boat. Long forgotten of the door that once was.

So I stand in a room. A purgatory with doors galore.

In this fun house room every so often a new door will open. With its glimpse of hope, a glimpse of change, a tease of progress. Although, the moment a new door is open its closed faster than it takes my nervous system to follow through on the message to lift a foot to walk towards this open avenue.

However, if I had to do it all over again I'd walk through with that same zeal. There is an end, there is an out, but still...

Fucking doors.

Mannequin!

2007-10-15T12:53:00.001-04:00

One of the plethora of things my sister likes to make fun of me for is my desire to repeatedly watch movies that are either unheard of or just plain bad -- to the point that to the untrained eye one might believe I was an enormous fan of the film.

Mannequin was one of those nuggets of obscurity that I watched. I hadn't seen it in years, but while channel surfing this past Sunday I paused on one channel because within seconds of the opening scene I knew what it was.

Oh memories, I probably had a crush on Andrew McCarthy, of the Brat Pack fame. His boyish charms won me over as a 10yr old. Because although the movie was released in 1987, when I was 2-- I hadn't seen it until television brought it to my living room to watch every time it was broadcasted. I didn't ever make plans to watch it... I just watched an immense amount of TV. Its just basic math that I was bound to stumble upon it.

Little Miss and Mr Men

2007-10-15T12:37:00.000-04:00

http://www.mrmen.com/site/flash/
go to 'your gallery' and at the bottom left is "the workshop"

You can create your own and even print it out and then meticulously color it like you were in pre-school.

What I Learned Today.

2007-10-08T14:06:00.000-04:00

1.)High heels and I were not meant to be.
2.)I could never become corporate.
3.)People that cluck and squawk walking down the street wearing feathers do exist.
4.)How to spell squawk.

Housing Adventures

2007-10-07T21:02:00.000-04:00

If you don't know, finding housing in New York can be... to say the least, interesting. I spent the last 4 days looking at places and emailing people to no avail. Some in places, I probably shoudn't have been traveling to at night alone. "Up and and Coming" is how you market "Murders and rapes are down! Only 40 this week."

On Tuesday, as I walked back to the subway station from a prospective apartment in an "up and coming" area this lanky street walker, decked out in his jean suit (Jacket. Pants. The works.) walks past and yells, "hey girl." I, of course foolishly turned and looked at him. Damn it. I've made eye contact. So he turns around and starts walking alongside me to continue this misconstrued moment:

"Hey gurl, what you doin' ta-night? Let's hang out."
"I can't."
"Where you from?"
"Here."
"So... we can hang out anotha time?"
"Maybe."
"Gimme yo numba."
"I don't have one."
"You ain't got one?"
"My phone was shut off."

By this point I am walking up the stairs to the subway station, and he then proceeds to try and grab my arm in a last minute desperation before I walk through the turnstiles.

"Wait, girl. Where you goin'?"
"I have to go. I have somewhere to be."
"Aiight, then whats yo address?"
"NO."

Saved by a $2 subway ride.

Maybe a broker will help. Help steal all my money... and possibly give me an apartment.

Something Of No Real Importance

2007-10-02T17:40:00.000-04:00

I just watched the season premiere of The Office online in a coffee shop. Thats 42 minutes of staring at a screen and doing nothing in plain sight of many strangers. All whilst I try not to laugh and smile stupidly at Jim and Pam's budding relationship.

Also, yesterday I noticed when in transit on the subway my mind wanders, which is normal-- however the fact that I start to make the expression I am thinking visible on my face makes me look a little crazy... mostly because theres more than a mere smirk or smile involved. There is head tilting, scowling, possibly some mouthing of words-- it gets intricate and weird for any on lookers. I need to stop doing that.

OR not, its New York. Everyone is a little crazy.

P.S. fuck you very much for screwing me.
(come back for the exciting conclusion to this story next time!)

Moronism*

2007-09-25T18:13:00.000-04:00

I went for the saddest attempt at a run today when the weather was a delightful 9,000 degrees with 300% humidity. And for kicks, middle school was just let out so I had to avoid little 12 year olds walking home, because pushing them down and laughing at them cry isn't acceptable anymore.

I was out a total of one hour: I ran for about 15 minutes. I walked another 40 minutes foolishly assuming that my lungs and what I'm going to guess was my pancreas would stop producing stabbing pains. And, finally for the other 5 minutes I laid on a shady patch of grass near misty lake. Successful, indeed.

However, this isn't my point... because I so often have one with these posts.
Since I went out at a different time, I went a different way to avoid the middle school kids and went by places, that although I have walked to before... I saw it with new purpose. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an enlightenment of brilliance here... I thought that the benches by this one lake would be a great place to come at night and smoke. Although, I don't smoke... but suburban boredom makes me want to do things like sit in a park at night smoking. Possibly throwing rocks could be useful too.

AND again, not the point... actually, I think I have forgotten my point.

Well, it had something to do with doing things differently and appreciating the new. Even, if I might've passed out from dehydration. Or maybe it was, something new in an old place? Whatever. I'm going out again to actually run now.

*Moronism: The state or condition of being a moron (MORON n.2 2); stupidity, ignorance, imbecility; (also) an instance of this.

Impatience Is A Virtue

2007-09-22T16:34:00.000-04:00

The beauty of a marathon is that you don't have to wait a week to find out what happens next. Although, usually shows that they rerun in marathon form aren't my favorites... but that doesn't stop me from watching them. Of course.

However, when a show I do kind of want to see is on let's just say... be still my impatient heart.

And to sum up this clearly highly active fun filled day, I just ate a cookie whose packaging has an asterik of information stating "excessive consumption may have a laxative effect."

Hmm, tempting.

What Have I Done?

2007-09-21T21:03:00.000-04:00

I went to New York last week for the entire week. It was a lovely grand ol' time. I think I have more friends there than here. I came back Monday, September 18th 2007.

As of today, I have a one-way ticket back to New York on Friday, September 28th 2007.

I have yet to determine whether this is bold and adventurous or a stupid and horrifying mistake.

...STAY TUNED!

Take Note.

2007-09-12T01:15:00.000-04:00

from me. to you:
you suck at this.

albeit, they'll never know how i truly feel-- because they either,
a. won't read this.
b. won't know its them.
and secret option
c. i win the lottery and have millions to spend on travel.

I Live In A Laundry Landfill

2007-09-09T16:21:00.000-04:00

To keep your inquiring minds at ease... no, I haven't completed my meagre task of washing my clothes... yet. I found going out and sleeping late very fulfilling.

Last night, I was at a bar and a stranger asked me some questions while I waited to close my tab. My life as of now summed up in a one minute encounter. Here is how it went:

Do you go to school here? no. Work? no. What is it that you do? nothing. Nothing? nothing. Want to hang out? no.

[end scene]

And now, laundry day shall commence. I think.

Gross Negligence

2007-09-06T13:51:00.000-04:00

I'm going to NYC soon for any and all attempts to not live in Texas anymore, instead of planning my time wisely I decided to play with the HTML layout of this page. I prepare for life with the best.

Since apparently, the hobo look is très passé. My goal for the next four days is to do laundry at some point in that time. I set goals with reasonable expectations. I wouldn't want to over exert myself. For I would be rendered useless for days on... actually, I suppose thats no different than now.

I should probably also print out a portfolio and a résumé and maybe some supplemental pieces... wow, I should get on that.

BUT first things first, I am going to watch a movie.

You Evil Fiend!

2007-09-05T14:04:00.000-04:00

Freshmen year of college, I noticed flashes of light in my peripheral vision-- but it was at times where there was no way a flash of light could be seen. Like at night, in the dark, with my eyes closed. Logically, I concluded I had a detached retina. This, of course was based on information gathered through random internet searches. Despite the severity of my conclusion, I never did anything to prove or disprove this idea... until I happened to have an eye appointment. Since I was there anyways, I asked about it. Turns out, I just was eating poorly. It went away, when my meals didn't consist of cakes, waffles and cookies. Who knew all that would be bad for you? And that it could get worse...

MY HEALTH (2007)
starring the charasmatic asthmatic tendencies and loveable lactose-intolerance! This whirl-winded roller coaster of a thriller has a fresh faced star to watch-- diabetes! Its going to be amazing!

I don't have it yet, but bordering on borderline is still bad enough. Phooey, I just want a cookie.

Mark. Get Set. Go.

2007-09-03T21:08:00.000-04:00

mapmyrun.com

see how far you ran, walked, biked. With adding how long it took you, your height and weight you can also see your average pace and how many calories you burned.

my new favorite tool.

Thats The Ticket

2007-08-25T15:30:00.000-04:00

I know what I want to be in life: A villain in a super bad movie. One of those bad movies that no one watches and goes straight to video. Oh, no... even better-- a TV movie on some obscure cable network. I'd be any character in any bad movie, really.

And, I would watch that movie repeatedly whilst eating large bowls of popcorn.

Remember 1998-2002: part two

2007-08-21T21:02:00.000-04:00

The snowmen series, which I stole from someone else's blog somewhere online-- was an imaginative section of Watterson's oeuvre.

Reading old Calvin and Hobbes replaced studying. One of many things that replaced it. Hobbes was the cutest tiger, almost as cute as Calvin as a tiger via the transmogrifier. Thats another story line though.

Remember 1998-2002: part one

2007-08-21T19:38:00.000-04:00

As I lay in bed trying to go to sleep, imagining I lived in Dallas and attending one of Stephanie's high school algebra classes (I really have a strange love for math and seeing my friends attempt to teach teenagers) I was reminded of when I actually was in high school. Those many years ago.

In particular, all of my math classes: constantly being late and getting detention in freshmen geometry, never doing my homework or bothering to get out a notebook to take notes in sophomore algebra, having every quiz and test be 'popped' upon me because I never cared to write down when they were for junior pre-cal, and the baked goods we got all year and the movies we watched for the last two weeks in senior BC calc.

Oh, good times. Good times.

Despite my lack of enthusiasm, I liked math. I was good at it. It was the school's rules and mores I didn't care for. And it showed. By the most goodie-two shoed, honest, sweet little girl kind of delinquency: I was late to class and I didnt do all of my homework. Teachers ran. Students idolized it.

My brilliant efforts in tardiness, however, was reserved for first period. Getting to school at 7:30am was a bitch. It wouldn't have mattered if I lived in the corner of that room, I would've still been late to class.

That geometry teacher of mine wrote me up twice. I got detention once, it was the most futile attempt at punishment I have ever encountered. All I learned was to be late enough times to not get written up... or have a first period teacher whose worst threat was to want to tell my mother I was always late. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have been surprised considering she was the one who drove me to school every morning.

72 days

2007-08-13T06:30:00.000-04:00

I used to want to be a cat. I also wanted to have magical powers, like the ability to walk through walls or disappear in an explosive way that would leave only a dark ominous cloud behind. Even better, maybe a secret agent with a greater purpose and a more exciting life than the one I currently led. This was roughly elementary - middle school time, so most of this was influenced by Nick at Nite shows like Bewitched and Get Smart.

Nonetheless, I'd imagine it. I'd envision scenarios where I would find myself out in the middle of a crowded area, in the midst of all that was my life and I would refute all that was going on by leaving it in a dramatic way. No words, I'd turn away and in a big cloud, an amazingly impossible task, or some supremely mystical manner I would be gone. However, I never knew to where it was that I was going.

I'm just perpetually anxious to leave.

PHAT Body Gym

2007-08-01T00:10:00.000-04:00

Driving south on Highway 59 to your right, disguised in a shopping center is a little gym with a brightly colored business sign. I am pretty hot and tempted to go there to work out at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes a day.

In other news, wow... well, seems to be no other news.

Bad Taste

2007-07-09T01:27:00.000-04:00

I have a not so secret love of bad movies and cheesy pop. So while I watch Stomp the Yard for the second time. Yes. Second. Here's a little ditty from 5 choreographed kids. Oh, memories of having a crush on a boy I never talked to. Not much has changed. Enjoy!

Wine Before Beer Before Liquor Then More Beer And More Liquor Never Been Sicker

2007-07-08T18:50:00.001-04:00

We all want to wake up to the pink gelatinous mistake of our binge drinking carefully laid out upon our bathroom floor. I know. I am living the good life.

As I laid there... mostly because thats as close to standing as I could get, I thought about how classy life had become since graduating college: Living at home with a Blockbuster account. My bachelor degree comes in handy every time I pop a DVD into my computer. Even with all that, I do sometimes find the time to sew together little camera cases. I wanted a picture with the camera in it, but that requires a little magic... Or another camera. Either way, too hard.

Maybe craft time will get me employed.
Until then, my stomach hates me right now.

Polyglotism

2007-06-30T00:37:00.000-04:00

Learn to read Gujarati and test your number skills.

Two Drink Maximum

2007-06-26T02:17:00.000-04:00

Who has low self-esteem?? Raise your hands.

...both hands up with fervor.

Apologies

2007-06-22T16:08:00.001-04:00

It happens about every 5 years, but if for some reason I am mad at you, here's how to fix it:

Step 1. Apologize.
This will usually work, and all will be well. Especially if pastries are involved. No further attempts required, but if that doesn't work continue on.

Step 2. Retribution.
If you need to continue on, then you must've killed a loved one. Thats hard to return from. Good luck in jail, dumbass.

Step 3. Acceptance.
Make new friends.

I Do... But I Get to Pick

2007-06-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

A long time ago, when my sister lived at home and I did too, there came a conversation of marriage. Not any kind of marriage, but an arranged marriage. We both said no. Flat out, unequivocally N-O. Of course, my parents were so confused as to why we would be so against such a brilliant idea. Hey! Lets get the entire family to go out and pick some guy that went to college and could support a family. Interests, personality, and sanity not required. Marriage to happen in one week. Pardon the vomit.

As an example why she was against arranged marriages, my sister pointed to none other than my dysfunctionally matched parents. And to our surprise, my mother was shocked. SHOCKED?? I was about 3 and I knew that their marriage was a bad idea. My sister asked me who I'd live with if they got a divorce... however, Indians don't divorce. They live miserably together forever. I say once again, BRILLIANT.

I bring this little tidbit up, because not just 5 minutes ago my mother tried to convince me that I should tell my dad to do something. Why me? Her response was, and I quote: "No man listens to their wives..." There was more, but that was what stopped me. She said its proven. It was that concession to being second rate and inferior that astounded me. How could this be OK? For anyone, in a marriage and in life?

...AND YOU WONDER WHY WE ARE AGAINST ARRANGED MARRIAGES?

p.s. I know that not all arranged marriages are bad, I mean who wouldn't want to have your husband pick you out like a criminal in a line up? Some matches work. However, I have yet to see one that is convincing enough... hence the contempt.

History Lessons

2007-06-20T16:17:00.000-04:00

So, to clear things up, Juneteenth is a celebration of the abolition of slavery and it is celebrated on the 19th of June. Not the 14th.
On the 14th of June, it is Flag Day... to celebrate, none other than the commemoration of my long life at home as a flagrant disappointment.

Celebrate responsibly.

Stagnation Isn't What It Used To Be

2007-06-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

I used to enjoy the moments in life when I could do nothing... That was probably when the alternative was doing homework.

Proud Day

2007-06-14T02:04:00.001-04:00

My biggest effort today was to put on pants that were not pajamas and walk 20 feet to the mailbox. It was difficult, and it took me until 8pm to work up that gusto, BUT I did it.

Day 34598743985

2007-06-13T18:22:00.000-04:00

I watch my computer too much. I sit in my room, or in the game room with my laptop affixed appropriately atop my lap and watch hours of tv shows online. I sit until I give into the fact that I have to pee.

And as much you may not want to know this, everytime I go, five seconds into it I wonder why my legs are so hot.

I watch my computer too much. And now, I have shared too much.

In The News:

2007-06-13T01:39:00.000-04:00

a ninja

Post-College Life

2007-06-12T17:07:00.001-04:00

If you work in a grocery store or any store that sells food, I say to you: Stop telling me you hate or cannot eat something I have just paid money for.

I clearly like it. I will gladly eat my granola and popcorn whether you like it or not. If I cared I would've started out the shopping excursion by waiting patiently in line to ask you your opinion before I walked around the store.

Your opinions are useless to me.