Polyglotism

Learn to read Gujarati and test your number skills.

Two Drink Maximum

Who has low self-esteem?? Raise your hands.



...both hands up with fervor.

Apologies

It happens about every 5 years, but if for some reason I am mad at you, here's how to fix it:

Step 1. Apologize.
This will usually work, and all will be well. Especially if pastries are involved. No further attempts required, but if that doesn't work continue on.

Step 2. Retribution.
If you need to continue on, then you must've killed a loved one. Thats hard to return from. Good luck in jail, dumbass.

Step 3. Acceptance.
Make new friends.

I Do... But I Get to Pick

A long time ago, when my sister lived at home and I did too, there came a conversation of marriage. Not any kind of marriage, but an arranged marriage. We both said no. Flat out, unequivocally N-O. Of course, my parents were so confused as to why we would be so against such a brilliant idea. Hey! Lets get the entire family to go out and pick some guy that went to college and could support a family. Interests, personality, and sanity not required. Marriage to happen in one week. Pardon the vomit.

As an example why she was against arranged marriages, my sister pointed to none other than my dysfunctionally matched parents. And to our surprise, my mother was shocked. SHOCKED?? I was about 3 and I knew that their marriage was a bad idea. My sister asked me who I'd live with if they got a divorce... however, Indians don't divorce. They live miserably together forever. I say once again, BRILLIANT.

I bring this little tidbit up, because not just 5 minutes ago my mother tried to convince me that I should tell my dad to do something. Why me? Her response was, and I quote: "No man listens to their wives..." There was more, but that was what stopped me. She said its proven. It was that concession to being second rate and inferior that astounded me. How could this be OK? For anyone, in a marriage and in life?

...AND YOU WONDER WHY WE ARE AGAINST ARRANGED MARRIAGES?

p.s. I know that not all arranged marriages are bad, I mean who wouldn't want to have your husband pick you out like a criminal in a line up? Some matches work. However, I have yet to see one that is convincing enough... hence the contempt.

History Lessons

So, to clear things up, Juneteenth is a celebration of the abolition of slavery and it is celebrated on the 19th of June. Not the 14th.
On the 14th of June, it is Flag Day... to celebrate, none other than the commemoration of my long life at home as a flagrant disappointment.

Celebrate responsibly.

Stagnation Isn't What It Used To Be

I used to enjoy the moments in life when I could do nothing... That was probably when the alternative was doing homework.

Proud Day

My biggest effort today was to put on pants that were not pajamas and walk 20 feet to the mailbox. It was difficult, and it took me until 8pm to work up that gusto, BUT I did it.

Day 34598743985

I watch my computer too much. I sit in my room, or in the game room with my laptop affixed appropriately atop my lap and watch hours of tv shows online. I sit until I give into the fact that I have to pee.

And as much you may not want to know this, everytime I go, five seconds into it I wonder why my legs are so hot.

I watch my computer too much. And now, I have shared too much.

In The News:

a ninja

Post-College Life

If you work in a grocery store or any store that sells food, I say to you: Stop telling me you hate or cannot eat something I have just paid money for.

I clearly like it. I will gladly eat my granola and popcorn whether you like it or not. If I cared I would've started out the shopping excursion by waiting patiently in line to ask you your opinion before I walked around the store.

Your opinions are useless to me.